Sometimes, in order to protect yourself, you just end up hurting those you love on the way...

Dear ...

I sit and watch from afar
As you struggle
An everlasting inner battle
How I wish

I could take you in my hands
A strong embrace
Full of love
And acceptance
Something my words

Cant give over
I look at you
Look into your eyes
Pain. Hurt.
Can I really help
Alleviate it?
Would you believe me
If I told u
My heart is aching for yours?
I just cant wait
For the day
You come back
For the day
Your plastered smile
Will actually reach your eyes
Hang in there my dear
We're all still here
And when we say "we love you"
You just can't know
How truly we mean it

The Playground

Thanks so much to Rachelli Dreyfuss for this excellent mashal. I couldnt write it better than she did, so here it is:

Ever been to the playground? When you're older you think, "Man, I am way too big/old/mature/cool, to play on this mass of metal, plastic and brightly colored pieces... leave it for the kids..."
Well "Man", you play on the playground everyday.
A little kid, he sees the playground as a chance for fun. We see life as a chance for... chances!
The kid leaps to the monkey bars as a chance to show his strength and agility. We join a club, sign up for a position to prove our leadership and efficiency.
The kid runs to the slide. He craves speed! We hurry to our cars, ready to show the world, "look at me go! Aren't i so cool in this convertible?
"I watched some kids on the playground. The sheer joy on their faces lit up the day. They simply enjoyed running up and down, back and forth. Screams of "tag you're it!" filled the air. Who couldn't love this scene?

But their is a distinct difference between those kids on the playground and us "grownups," and "big kids". The kids on the playground do what they do because they love it. We do what we do because we have something to prove to ourselves, to others...
So when we get the playground with our kids, babysitting clients, nieces and nephews, maybe we should "grow up" and see the beauty of playground. It isn't just a toy... it's a chance to grow! To improve! It's a chance to let the facade we wear fall away! We can finally just be the person we dream of... the person who doesn't need other to validates his/her feelings, the person who can enjoy life for all the things that make it up: the ups (keep climbing up that ladder!), the downs (sometimes we all slip down a slide... sometimes just a bit too fast), the sides-to-side, the struggles (if you keep trying, if you keep reaching for the next monkey bar, you will make it, and you will become strong!) and everything in between.

The playground isn't just a place for kids. This life isn't just a place for adults. It's a place for every man, woman and child to grow, develop, learn and love!
So the next you're find yourself in a park, looking at a playground with a turned up nose, just remember...
you live that playground every day.

One among many

Many new and seasoned drivers fear highway driving. In reality many drivers, including myself, find it easier than driving in congested urban areas with stop and go traffic or rural roads that have numerous blind turns and other hazards. Highway driving seems more disciplined and has fewer obstacles or variables such as pedestrians, traffic lights, cars running stop signs through an intersection...
And highway driving gives you time to think :)

So many cars on the road, in different size, shape and color. Look at the license plates… from all over the country. Some cars have been on the road for just a few hours, others a day or two – some are about to exit, others have a long stretch ahead.. and I? I just got on, and have another 60 miles to go before my next highway.

Although we drivers are driving different vehicles, come from different places and don’t necessarily share a destination, we are still using the same main road. And on that road, we have to conform to certain rules. Safe seating arrangements, speed limit - not too slow, not too fast - no reckless driving… there’s a certain flow to follow. However, there is no U-turn on a highway; therefore, we must not forget to get off at the correct exit.

Always remember: we are all unique. We each have our own starting point and our own goal.

We must never lose sight of our destination.

Just one year...

It's hard to believe the year is already gone.
I look back at what was last year, and what's now....
I see my friend, the best shidduch-kvetcher ever - we're shopping, of course. Then we go out for slurpee... Well she's married now. and she's b'h expecting.
There's another friend. She was also single - she now carries a ring and sheitel with pride.
And what about Plonit? she's engaged. And that one? she just had her second baby...
Did any of them ever think this would actually happen to them over the year? they all hoped and dreamt about it, but that it actually would happen? i'll never know.
But one thing i know is that my hopes are all still alive.
Rosh Hashanah is now here, I must let the voice of those hopes and dream speak up. One can never guess the impact our תפילות have on our life.
May this coming year be full of good things,
כתיבה וחתימה טובה to you all!

The laminating machine

Thanx to Freeda for such an amazing Mashal!

Laminating paper can prevent it from becoming creased, wrinkled, stained, smudged, or simply said, ruined. Day camp/school projects, licenses, credit cards... all those are laminated for a guaranteed longer life-span.

Ever watched a laminating machine operate?
Press the "run" button, and the wheels begin to spin. Both rolls of plastic come forward, merging and melting into one.
You have to insert the sheet in between the two layers of plastic before they meet, and you then get a beautiful and long lasting document.
Even if nothing is inserted, the wheels continue to roll, the plastics continue to melt together - but there's only emptiness in between. It emerges from the machine as a useless piece of plastic, plastic that was forever wasted.

The machine is our life.
As soon as we're born, the wheels start rolling, and time, the 2 layers of plastic film go through the heat, the moment we are presently in. There's unlimited potential that we can fill the space in between the plastics with, and remember, whatever we put in there, stays forever.
However, the wheels don't ever stop. If we fail to insert quality and value - whether through actions, speech or anything else - before the plastics merge, our time goes to waste.
As soon as today turns into yesterday, as soon as the present becomes the past, there's no turning back.
Whatever is empty remains that way. Whatever time isn't used can no longer help us, no longer serve a purpose. It remains lost, useless for all eternity.

It's up to us to make sure we use our time wisely, and fill it with meaningful and everlasting deeds.

Alone vs. Lonely

Warning: sad post below - if you're having a bad day, do not read.

The girls are going to the park. They are all younger than me, but nonetheless, they invite me to come along.
Not that we're friends, but I know one or two among them, and I guess they just feel like being nice to me.
We stroll along the path; they're talking about their most recent shopping spree, their siblings' latest pranks.
I join in once in a while.
But although my mouth says one thing, my heart say another.
I even laugh along.
But the smile and laughter don't really reach my eyes.

The day wears on, and my stomach kindly reminds me it needs some food.
We're out of bread, so I just hop over to the nearest pizza shop to pick something up.
As I wait for my order to be filled in, I look around and notice all the tables are taken.
Families and group of friends are enjoying their vacation and leisurely eating lunch.
This place is so crowded, I think to myself.
And yet...

I sit in my room, with noone to keep me company.
My phone doesn't even ring - it's supper time for kollel couples.
I just stare at my book. My vision is blurred, I can't see the words.
It's just me and my bed, and so I let it all out...

Loneliness is easily explained as being alone.
But read those scenarios again. Was I ever alone?
In the first, I was surrounded with people I knew.
In the second, there wasn't an empty seat in the room.
And in the third -
Well in the third, I had the best 'companion' ever. The One that will never ever ever abandon me.

Loneliness is about emptiness, pain and longing for company. Not company as in having people around me, but to feel like I belong, like I'm part of the crowd.

I guess you could say being alone is a physical state, while loneliness is the emotional aspect of it.

We're all human, and emotions and feelings are beyond our control. They're here, they're real and we just have to deal with them.
My best chizuk line for when I feel so down is "However lonely you may feel, always remember you are never alone." for He is always here with me, not matter where, no matter what and no matter when.