(not my line)

All songs come to an end.

 

Doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy the music...

Sometimes, in order to protect yourself, you just end up hurting those you love on the way...

Dear ...

I sit and watch from afar
As you struggle
An everlasting inner battle
How I wish

I could take you in my hands
A strong embrace
Full of love
And acceptance
Something my words

Cant give over
I look at you
Look into your eyes
Pain. Hurt.
Can I really help
Alleviate it?
Would you believe me
If I told u
My heart is aching for yours?
I just cant wait
For the day
You come back
For the day
Your plastered smile
Will actually reach your eyes
Hang in there my dear
We're all still here
And when we say "we love you"
You just can't know
How truly we mean it

The Playground

Thanks so much to Rachelli Dreyfuss for this excellent mashal. I couldnt write it better than she did, so here it is:

Ever been to the playground? When you're older you think, "Man, I am way too big/old/mature/cool, to play on this mass of metal, plastic and brightly colored pieces... leave it for the kids..."
Well "Man", you play on the playground everyday.
A little kid, he sees the playground as a chance for fun. We see life as a chance for... chances!
The kid leaps to the monkey bars as a chance to show his strength and agility. We join a club, sign up for a position to prove our leadership and efficiency.
The kid runs to the slide. He craves speed! We hurry to our cars, ready to show the world, "look at me go! Aren't i so cool in this convertible?
"I watched some kids on the playground. The sheer joy on their faces lit up the day. They simply enjoyed running up and down, back and forth. Screams of "tag you're it!" filled the air. Who couldn't love this scene?

But their is a distinct difference between those kids on the playground and us "grownups," and "big kids". The kids on the playground do what they do because they love it. We do what we do because we have something to prove to ourselves, to others...
So when we get the playground with our kids, babysitting clients, nieces and nephews, maybe we should "grow up" and see the beauty of playground. It isn't just a toy... it's a chance to grow! To improve! It's a chance to let the facade we wear fall away! We can finally just be the person we dream of... the person who doesn't need other to validates his/her feelings, the person who can enjoy life for all the things that make it up: the ups (keep climbing up that ladder!), the downs (sometimes we all slip down a slide... sometimes just a bit too fast), the sides-to-side, the struggles (if you keep trying, if you keep reaching for the next monkey bar, you will make it, and you will become strong!) and everything in between.

The playground isn't just a place for kids. This life isn't just a place for adults. It's a place for every man, woman and child to grow, develop, learn and love!
So the next you're find yourself in a park, looking at a playground with a turned up nose, just remember...
you live that playground every day.

One among many

Many new and seasoned drivers fear highway driving. In reality many drivers, including myself, find it easier than driving in congested urban areas with stop and go traffic or rural roads that have numerous blind turns and other hazards. Highway driving seems more disciplined and has fewer obstacles or variables such as pedestrians, traffic lights, cars running stop signs through an intersection...
And highway driving gives you time to think :)

So many cars on the road, in different size, shape and color. Look at the license plates… from all over the country. Some cars have been on the road for just a few hours, others a day or two – some are about to exit, others have a long stretch ahead.. and I? I just got on, and have another 60 miles to go before my next highway.

Although we drivers are driving different vehicles, come from different places and don’t necessarily share a destination, we are still using the same main road. And on that road, we have to conform to certain rules. Safe seating arrangements, speed limit - not too slow, not too fast - no reckless driving… there’s a certain flow to follow. However, there is no U-turn on a highway; therefore, we must not forget to get off at the correct exit.

Always remember: we are all unique. We each have our own starting point and our own goal.

We must never lose sight of our destination.

Just one year...

It's hard to believe the year is already gone.
I look back at what was last year, and what's now....
I see my friend, the best shidduch-kvetcher ever - we're shopping, of course. Then we go out for slurpee... Well she's married now. and she's b'h expecting.
There's another friend. She was also single - she now carries a ring and sheitel with pride.
And what about Plonit? she's engaged. And that one? she just had her second baby...
Did any of them ever think this would actually happen to them over the year? they all hoped and dreamt about it, but that it actually would happen? i'll never know.
But one thing i know is that my hopes are all still alive.
Rosh Hashanah is now here, I must let the voice of those hopes and dream speak up. One can never guess the impact our תפילות have on our life.
May this coming year be full of good things,
כתיבה וחתימה טובה to you all!

The laminating machine

Thanx to Freeda for such an amazing Mashal!

Laminating paper can prevent it from becoming creased, wrinkled, stained, smudged, or simply said, ruined. Day camp/school projects, licenses, credit cards... all those are laminated for a guaranteed longer life-span.

Ever watched a laminating machine operate?
Press the "run" button, and the wheels begin to spin. Both rolls of plastic come forward, merging and melting into one.
You have to insert the sheet in between the two layers of plastic before they meet, and you then get a beautiful and long lasting document.
Even if nothing is inserted, the wheels continue to roll, the plastics continue to melt together - but there's only emptiness in between. It emerges from the machine as a useless piece of plastic, plastic that was forever wasted.

The machine is our life.
As soon as we're born, the wheels start rolling, and time, the 2 layers of plastic film go through the heat, the moment we are presently in. There's unlimited potential that we can fill the space in between the plastics with, and remember, whatever we put in there, stays forever.
However, the wheels don't ever stop. If we fail to insert quality and value - whether through actions, speech or anything else - before the plastics merge, our time goes to waste.
As soon as today turns into yesterday, as soon as the present becomes the past, there's no turning back.
Whatever is empty remains that way. Whatever time isn't used can no longer help us, no longer serve a purpose. It remains lost, useless for all eternity.

It's up to us to make sure we use our time wisely, and fill it with meaningful and everlasting deeds.

Alone vs. Lonely

Warning: sad post below - if you're having a bad day, do not read.

The girls are going to the park. They are all younger than me, but nonetheless, they invite me to come along.
Not that we're friends, but I know one or two among them, and I guess they just feel like being nice to me.
We stroll along the path; they're talking about their most recent shopping spree, their siblings' latest pranks.
I join in once in a while.
But although my mouth says one thing, my heart say another.
I even laugh along.
But the smile and laughter don't really reach my eyes.

The day wears on, and my stomach kindly reminds me it needs some food.
We're out of bread, so I just hop over to the nearest pizza shop to pick something up.
As I wait for my order to be filled in, I look around and notice all the tables are taken.
Families and group of friends are enjoying their vacation and leisurely eating lunch.
This place is so crowded, I think to myself.
And yet...

I sit in my room, with noone to keep me company.
My phone doesn't even ring - it's supper time for kollel couples.
I just stare at my book. My vision is blurred, I can't see the words.
It's just me and my bed, and so I let it all out...

Loneliness is easily explained as being alone.
But read those scenarios again. Was I ever alone?
In the first, I was surrounded with people I knew.
In the second, there wasn't an empty seat in the room.
And in the third -
Well in the third, I had the best 'companion' ever. The One that will never ever ever abandon me.

Loneliness is about emptiness, pain and longing for company. Not company as in having people around me, but to feel like I belong, like I'm part of the crowd.

I guess you could say being alone is a physical state, while loneliness is the emotional aspect of it.

We're all human, and emotions and feelings are beyond our control. They're here, they're real and we just have to deal with them.
My best chizuk line for when I feel so down is "However lonely you may feel, always remember you are never alone." for He is always here with me, not matter where, no matter what and no matter when.

It's never too late

The following is a concept that we often learn about in school, and is very appropriate to today - Rosh Chodesh Elul.
Since I got a personal reminder about it this morning, I figured I'd share it with everyone.

My alarm clock rang once, twice, three times and more this morning...
I woke up at the first shot, and of course hit the snooze button right away, turned over, and went back to selep.
Twenty minutes later, I woke up again, and did the exact same thing.
My alarm clock rang every 9 minutes for 50 minutes, and only then did I wake up again, and finally jumped out of bed.
I had to rush a bit, but I b"h made it to work on time.
Imagine if I would've just said "oh well, i didnt wake up on time, ill just stay in bed for the day, because it's anyways too late"...
Doesn't really makes sense, does it?
So all it was, that I had to rush myself. and the longer I stay in bed, the more I have to rush to get to work on time, which means more work on my part.

How often do we feel that we are so rooted in bad habits, that there's no chance for us to do a real Teshuvah, and get out of it?
We might wake up late about it, but it's never too late.
And the later we wake up about it, the more we have to work on ourselves to get out of it, but it's still never too late.

Filters

Thanks to Itsagift for this great mashal!

Email programs have a great feature - the spam filter.
It filters our emails for items we do not need to see, know about or think about for even a second. They are rejected before we get to see them. Prior to having an effect on us, prior to leaving a mark.

How great it would be if we humans would do the same...
Just one moment of indiscretion, a rare minute of Lashon Hora, a minute or two of truly interruptive Bitul Torah in the middle of precious learning time, a decision to let the Shemone Esrei get away because some of it was already lost, another few bites of food taking you into the “Achila Gassa” mode, another few, short blasts of angry words...

All of these have to be filtered as Spam before they start.
Just think about all those moments turned into minutes and hours, the aveiros translated into Mitzvos and Ma’asim Tovim...
How much more valuable time we would gain and use productively!

Back-seat drivers

Ever took a trip with a back-seat driver?

We can sometimes be really annoying.
Whether we're telling you when to turn, when to stop, or just holding onto the door handle for dear life when it looks like you're going to crash in the car in front of you.
This is usually post-traumatic from either an accident or a near-accident. There's simply no way for us to know you saw that car, you have your foot on the brake and will stop on time.

Today, as I made myself comfortable in the back of my cousin's car for a nice long trip, I told myself I wouldn't get nervous. But I couldn't help it.
Everytime he got too close to the car in front of him, I held on to the seat, and my heart dropped. Even though he never failed to stop on time. 
I knew I was being nervous for no reason, since there was nothing I could've done to actually control the car. I should've just sat and enjoyed the ride, but I simply couldn't.

That got me thinking that so many times, we try to tell Hashem how to run our lives. We try to take control of where life is taking us. But there's nothing we can do. And Hashem is in full control (way more than any driver out there), so may as well just let Him run my life the way it should, and just ride along.

Still sleeping?

I woke up from my nap, feeling a bit uncomfortable.
Once again, I had slept on my arm, and although I was awake, it was still sleeping.
Basically, it felt like my arm was chopped off, and I was laying on a piece of rubber.
I started flicking and tapping it, in order for it to regain some sensation.
It took a few hits, and a few minutes, but eventually the numbness wore out, and I was able to feel my arm again.

Sometimes, some of us 'fall asleep' in our Yiddishkeit, and we need a flick, a tap to wake us up. Some hits are harder than others, but the goal is just that: to wake us up.

Limited Bitachon?

Thank you - you know who you are - for sending me this great mashal.

There was once a magician called "The Great Farini", and one day he strung a rope across niagra falls, waited for a crowd to surround him, climbed up and before he walked across he turned to the crowd and said "I am the great farni",

and they replied "you are the great farini".

"I am the greatest"

"You are the greatest"

"Do you believe i could walk back and forth across this rope?"

There were scattered replies of belief.

With that he turned and walked back and forth.
When he came back, he took out a blindfold and said to them again

"I am the great farini",

and they replied "You are the great farini"

"I am the greatest"

"You are the greatest"

"Do you believe i could walk back and forth across this rope blindfolded?"

"Yes! we believe!" they chanted.

Once again he walked back and forth, this time blindfolded.
When he came back, his assistant pulled out a unicycle, and once again he called out to the growing crowd

"I am the great farini",

and they replied "you are the great farini"

"I am the greatest"

"You are the greatest"

"Do you believe i could cycle back and forth across this rope?"

"Yes! we believe!" they chanted.

And across he went. And proceeded to do the same again blindfolded.

When he came back, he took out a wheelbarrow, and turned to the cheering multitudes

"I am the great farini",

And in unison they replied "You are the great farini!"

"I am the greatest"

"You are the greatest!"

"Do you believe i could walk back and forth across this rope pushing a wheelbarrow?"

"Yes! we believe!" they chanted.

"Who's getting in?"

Silence.

G-d proves His totality, His strength, His might and His goodness daily, and we praise Him all the time through Pesukei Dezimrah, Hallel and such.
G-d says look, come in the wheelbarrow i will carry you across and you will be safe.
But we don't let ourselves trust Him!
We get nervous. We worry about shidduchim - how will we be able to find our shidduch? and when will it happen? and we worry about money - the economy is so bad!

But we should really just trust Him and let ourselves ride the wheelbarrow to the other side. We must not worry for the very same G-d that we are praising is going to help us with everything.

What do I love?

Lvnsm27 tagged me in this meme: 7 things I love.

It's a hard one. It can be about people I love, sights I love, places I love to go to, things I love doing....
Well, I guess I'll skip people - you guys know who you are :) and then I'll just jot down whatever comes to my mind...

1. I love singing. (I'm not sure if others love it when I sing, but that's a different story)

2. I love learning new things. There's just so much I don't know, and as long as it's interesting, then I want to learn and know.

3. I love spending time with friends. It doesn't have to be a major outing, just being in their company makes me feel good.

4. I love reading; cuddling on the couch, or in my bed, with music on and a good book.

5. I love feeling accomplished. Whether it's after a long day at work, or from cleaning up my room, it's always a good feeling.

6. I love water. I could sit by the ocean for hours and hours, just watching the waves come and go...

7. I love math. It must sound funny, but I really enjoy the complexity of numbers, and all that comes with it.

There's so much more that I love, these are basically the first that came to my mind...

And all of you who read my blog, consider yourselves tagged :)

Back to life...

That's it, the fast is over.
The nine days, the three weeks are all but a part of the past.
Now it's time for laundry, music, swimming activities, fleishig suppers… in short, back to life.

But what do we take with us?
Can we just go ahead without one glance in the past?
Without carrying ahead the lessons we've learnt?
The yearning for Geulah, the working on ourselves… wasn't it all real just yesterday?

It was. And it hopefully still is.
It's up to us to make sure we keep it up, even while getting back to our "regular" life.
And hopefully, next Tisha b'Av will be a real yom tov.

Tisha B'av

We all know we're supposed to be sad on Tisha B'av. But why are we sad?

Are we sad because the Bais Hamikdash was destroyed? Or are we sad because it wasn't rebuilt yet?

I would say it's a mix of both.
We know that if the Bais Hamikdash is not rebuilt in one's times it's as if it was destroyed then. So by mourning the fact it wasn't rebuilt, we're also grieveing the fact it was destroyed.

What do you think?

Future?

"A rose among the flowers
A treasure to the king
דודי ירד לגנו
ללקוד שושנים"

Yet another tragedy has struck
One of our precious lives
Leaving behind
One's shattered future

How can I be certain
This isn't
My last half hour?

I really said that? No way!

I should've come up with this one on my own, but my friend beat me to it. Oh well!

I love texting, emailing, and chatting.
I can answer at my own convenience, and say exactly what i think or feel.
I don't have to face the person i'm talking to, so I can really say what I want.

And the best thing is: the conversation is saved, so i can go back and read everything i wrote.
But then I realize I sometimes say embarassing things - things i would've never said if I was facing the person I was talking to.
But it's all there, black on white. I said it, there's no denying it. I just have to face it.

Well, the same will happen to us when we reach Shamayim: everything we'll have said and done throughout our life will be "written" there, and there'll be no denying. We'll just have to face the consequences.

Simchas Hachayim

A friend of mine recently told me the following: "People think that in order to give an impression of being deep, they have to look sad. Because if they walk around smiling and happy, they look shallow."

Well, I disagree. Really strongly. I think it takes a certain deepness to appreciate all that we have, value it and be grateful for it.Yes, there are terrible things happening to us, right and left, there are a lot of sick people among us, orphans, widows, poor people... the list can go on and on...

Suffering comes in all sizes and shapes - I remember learning that just pulling the wrong coin out of your pocket is suffering - and it happens to all of us.
But guess what, good things come in all different sizes and shapes also. Whether it's your ears, your feet, your veins, or even a fingernail... Whether it's your clothes, the food you eat, the roof over your head or even your friend next door.... just look around and there's so much to see, so much to appreciate, so much to enjoy!
No, we cannot ignore all the pain that surrounds us, the same way we can't ignore all the joy and good things that are part of our life.

And like we know:...לכל זמן ועת, there's a time for everything
...לבכות ועת לשחוק עת ספוד ועת רקוד..., a time to cry and a time to play, a time to lament and a time to dance...

There's room for all of it in our world, we just have to learn to juggle it all!

If that's what you want....

My friend's hair has this strange habit of always flipping out.
No matter how long she blows it in the right direction, it always ends up flipping out.
She one day decided to blow it flipping out because that's how it ends up being anyway.
And as she was telling me this, one thought crossed my mind:
"בדרך שאדם רוצה לילך בה מוליכין אותו"

Stuck in traffic?

(This one's not mine. heard it from a friend.)

You're on your way home from work, on your way to a store, or maybe going to visit someone, and you're stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic... Looking out the window, you notice the cars going the other way flying by.... and you think maybe you should go in that lane, because there's no traffic there... but if you'd drive in that lane, you'd actually be going in the wrong direction...

Your friends got engaged first, had babies first, or are already making a bar mitzva, while you're still at the previous stage... Don't forget that if you'd be going in their "lane" you'd also be going in the wrong direction...

Car rental

You rent a car, and tell them you'll be staying in New York. No going out of the state.
But then you realize you need to go to Philly for something, and to Baltimore (isn't it next door?), so in the car you get, and off you go...
When the time comes to give the car back, you go there, all confident and proud that you thought of putting all the miles on that car, and anyway they're only charging for instate rental... The guy prints out something from his computer, and calls you over. Didn't you rent the car for New York only? I did, you answer. And he shows you the sheet he's holding so carefully: a very detailled itinerary and schedule of your trips the past week....
When the time comes for us to return our neshamah to Hashem, we won't be able to hide anything from Him... He'll be able to show us a full "itinerary and schedule" of our life and we will have to give full cheshbon on all of it....

He's watching me...

You know those parental control programs for internet usage?
Where parents get to see everything their children do while online?
Well recently, someone told me that they got it for their computer, as a precaution for themselves, their children and anyone else who would use it.
This means that if anyone does anything online on that computer, they get a fully detailled report of each site that was visited.
Personally, I wouldn't use their computer to go online, not because I would do something bad or inappropriate, but just because of the thought that they could see everything I do.
But the truth is, Hashem is also watching every single thing I say, do, and think, and that's not only while I'm at the computer. It should bother me just as much - at least, if not more - and I should act accordingly.

Welcome!

A few years back, one of my teachers taught us that everything in the materialistic world is a mashal to something in the spiritual one.
We learnt more about it in a sefer - sorry, but I do not remember which one it was - and i really liked that concept.
She kind of trained us in to looking for different mashalim regarding everything physical, and I just thought I'd share them with whoever's interested....
So enjoy, and don't forget to comment!

p.s. not all posts will be mashalim, some may be just random thoughts that i feel are worth sharing...